Do Scars ever truly heal or can they only be mended?
Lozen had been the born a scrapper, a fighter and hard headed. Many knew her, but few were given the ability to get to know who she truly was. It was not because she didn't want to but everyone she had learned trust or even befriend had in her eyes failed her. Growing up on the streets she had learned that you trust no one and learned to rely on no one but herself.
At the age of nineteen she met him, Kingston O'Keefe, he had all but swept her off her feet. Treated her good spoiled her she kept feeling the like it was all too good to be true, but throwing caution to the wind she took what she could from him doing her best to not fall for him. It was not till that fateful morning she woke to him gone, no word as to why or how.
She waited for a month but he never came back, only it was too late he had left her with something so precious that he was quickly pushed to the back of her mind, tears were forgotten and life moved on.
Scars of the heart have a way of reminding one that no matter the pain, the triumphs, or loss those scars never truly heal or do they?
Sitting quietly at the table her fingers played with the small shot glass she had gotten home from work grabbing her small bottle of whiskey she needed a drink it had been a harder day than normal. Walking over to her wall of records she ran her fingers along the spin of the records she had spent the last two years collecting some of her favorite bands. There was something to be said of them being heard on a turntable it was more authentic pure and poetic.
Pulling out her favorite Tom Waits record pulling it from the sleeve laying it the right side up she placed it on the turntable grabbing the arm swinging it slowly in placed the needle at the beginning of the record. The first notes of Invitation to the blues echoed around the room closing her eyes tilting her head back as the sultry sounds of Toms' voice filled the silent void of her small apartment, walking to her dining room she grabs her bottle of whiskey.
Lozen walked to her couch sitting down she looked to her left seeing her favorite picture of her daughter. Evalynne it had been two years, four months and six days since the day she lost her child. The day the light and grace of her world went dark she had fallen in too deep depression, she drank, did drugs and lost her position at her job. All that Lozen had left of her daughter was pictures, a blanket a few of her favorite stuffies. The one thing she would never know where the few children were walking around with her precious daughters' eyes, heart and other parts of her body.
Lozen found it hard she even make it out of bed, or shower in that time she wanted to lose her life, she had contemplated suicide, or just drinking herself into an oblivion but if it wasn't for Father Pascal she probably would have. She doesn't even remember how he came into her life, but he had all but became her rock, the one that gave her strength in the blackness of her life at that time. He became the shining beacon at the end of the tunnel. He was still there for her on days that the pain became so overwhelming, the memories so tormenting it felt like knives were being pushed into her soul, she bled the blackness like a cloak.
Lozen was back but on shaky ground, she was doing the best she could every day but it was the quiet of her apartment that made her world feel so bleak and broken. She worked for a Private Investigating Firm of Lazlo Stark. She enjoyed the work it kept busy she worked long days and nights but it was the odd nights like tonight that they were in between cases and no work was to be done that she came home. She had been curious about Kingston she had thought about looking for him but decided against it. He never knew she was with child when he left, he didn't need to know how it was not like she had much to tell him other than she had failed as a mother. She didn't need him blaming her more then she berated and beat herself up.
Lozen picked up the picture of Evalynne she saw Kingston's nose, his complexion his high cheekbones, she was their daughter but she was all Lozen's child he gave up the right to her the minute he left Lo abandoned in that apartment, it was his loss in the end. Evalynne had been the best of both of them, pulling the picture to her chest as she slid down the length of the couch pulling her knees closer to her body and closed her eyes. She listened to the melancholy sounds of Tom Waits voice, the horns, piano and guitars all coming together in a haunting tale of words.
She let herself be pulled under letting sleep take her she knew it wouldn't last long it never did but for now, she would let it.
-A few hours later-
~"Mommy! Mommy!" Lozen turned her head to see the brown curls and light blue eyes of Evalynne as she pulled on her hand.
"What is it baby girl." Evalynne pulled harder on her hand. Lo sat up and shook her head, and smiled
"Dada is here!" Lo raised a delicate brow and shook her head.
"No, baby he is not here." Lo let her daughter pull her to her feet she let her pull her along as she tried to run.
"Looks, Mommy!" Lo watched her daughter point up she followed her finger when she saw the immaculate charcoal suit, his hair pulled slickly back his dimples. Evalynne, let go of her hand and ran for her father. Lo lunge to grab her before Kingston picked her up. "Dada!" Evalynne squealed in excitement.
"NO! NO!" Lo fell to the ground stretching out her arms to get her grasp on Evalynne but it was too late.~
Lo jackknifed out of the dream she fell to the ground hard the wind temporarily left her lungs. Shaking she looked around it was the empty apartment but she heard a knocking on the door. Scrambling to her feet she looked at her watch it read ten twenty-seven.
Rubbing her eyes wiping away the tears she waited again, whomever it was they had the wrong door. The knocking came again walking the down the hall she saw the shadow of a tall person at her glass door.
"Who is it?" she slowly stepped forward. "Who is it?"
"Lolo open the fucking door!" Lozen's head snapped back up and she quickly stepped back from the door.
"Who are you?" she watched the door handle turn but she quickly looked up at the deadlock it was still locked. "Go away before I call the cops."
"Lolo, you know who it is open the fucking door. You are in danger." his voice sent a wave of sadness, rippling through her body. What was he doing here? She was confused and didn't want to see him ever again.
"Fuck you!" she watched his head leaning against the door.
"Please, Lolo!" his voice sounded like he was in pain but she didn't give a flying fuck after everything he had done to her.
Lozen turned away from the door running for the stairs she refused to help him, or even talk to Kingston. She ran for her room she dropped to her knee and felt under her bed for her big hockey bag she pulled it out. She could still hear him banging on her door below. She blocked it out as she quickly rummaged through her drawers grabbing her clothes stuffing them unceremoniously into the old hockey bag.
Turning to her closet she pulled it open she reached up grabbing the box with Evalynne's keepsakes she jammed it into her bag, running out of her room into the bathroom she lifted the lid of the toilet pulling out the vacuum sealed bag stuffed with a gun, and cash grabbing the small bag of toiletries that sat under her sink she grabbed them before she turned and ran back in to her room and stuffed everything in to the bag. Picking it up and ran down the stairs and into her living room to grab Evalynnes picture she stopped dead in her tracks to see Kingston standing in her living room.
Dropping the bag she pulled back her shoulders she looked down to the framed picture in his hands. "Who is she Lolo?" His whiskey-colored eyes met hers. Lozen looked away and went to grab her car keys he could have the only picture of his daughter but she was not telling him. Walking the short distance she grabbed her keys and turning on the ball of her feet and leaned over to pick up the bag.
"Let yourself out the way you let yourself in King." hauling the bag up she headed for the door.
"Stop Lolo." she ignored his plea she didn't want to hear a damn thing he had to say. She opened the door heading the short distance to her car when she noticed a Limo blocking her driveway.
"I suggest you ask them to leave before I rear end the side of the car."
She felt an arm wrap around her waist pulling her hard against his body. His beard tickled her ear before he spoke. "You are going with me, Lolo. Good thing you packed." Lozen fought him kicking her feet and screaming at the top of her lungs.
She was quickly pushed into the Limo she was on her hands and knees when the car began to move. "As much as I love you in the position we need to talk." Lozen scrambled to the farthest part of the limo from him as possible.
"First who is she?" he pointed to the picture of their daughter.
Lozen bit the inside of her cheek and looked out the window. She wasn't telling him one damn thing about her life or of Evalynne.
"Fuck you Kingston. You lost the right to know about me the minute you left me, Seven years ago." she kept her gaze on what was happening outside the Limo's window. She would find a way to escape when the chance was right. She would never trust him again.
He stood at the bottom landing watching her Lozen was sitting on the beach her toes dug into the sand she was leaning back her short cropped black hair blowing in the breeze, it was the mix of the sea and the scent of plumeria he took a deep breath. King's eyes looked at her tanned bare shoulders noticing the scars on her left shoulder blade. She had barely moved in the twenty minutes he had been standing there, she had barely eaten in the two days he had brought her to his island or would she come out of her bedroom he knew the only reason she was out of it now was she believed he was still away from the Island.
Seeing her again had been harder than he expected, he had imagined what it would be like to see her again over the seven years he knew she would be pissed off but the silence, it was killing him.
He had stared at the picture of their daughter all night. He had a child and one that he would never know, it was something he was having a hard time understanding. Kingston had been watching over Lozen closely for a year his investigators had found that their child had been killed in a car accident with a drunk driver that had killed their daughter and injured Lozen. He had poured over the reports from the investigators for days he had felt the pain of his first borns death and the guilt was beyond anything he had ever felt before. He felt the guilt of not being there to protect their child and the only woman he ever loved. Now she looked at him with contempt, anger, and pain with the eyes that use to sparkle with laughter, or how her whole face lit up when she smiled now her eyes only showed darkness.
He didn’t know how to get her to talk to him she barely spoke to him, let alone look at him he struggled with how to read her anymore. He used to be able to know what she needed before she did but now she was like an empty shell of the vibrant woman he once knew. Kingston took a step down the stair then another he needed to be near her even if it meant she would scream at him or hit him he was truly fucked.
He stopped his steps when she stood up, she turned around her eyes met his. Lozen stopped dead in her tracks, she looked down and fiddled with the pieces of string hanging from her tattered jean shorts he watched the minute she decided to fight her own weakness, she dropped her hand from the threads of her shorts, her shoulders went back and she turned away from him staring out at the ocean.
Kingston felt the daggers pierce his heart the minute she turned her back on him, he took the last few steps till he came up standing next to her, he stood taller than her but he looked down at her, he could see her splendidly long lashes, her light blue-purple eyes, her high cheekbones and plump almost swollen lips her raven black hair covered over her left eye. Kingston took in every inch of her face setting it to memory he stared at her. Lozen still had the ability to take his breath away she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
“How are you doing today?” she turned her head away from him and she kept silent again. Kingston rubbed his chin as he felt the five o’clock shadow, he kept his eye on her but she didn’t say a thing Kingston let out a breath he was so frustrated.
“Please talk to me.” Lozen turned her head slowly her blue eyes saying so much and yet concealing so much.
“Just leave me in peace, Kingston. Let me go home.” Lozen turned on heel and head back towards the stairs. Kingston stared at the horizon he didn’t know how to get through to her she turned and started to walk away.
Kingston turned as he ran the few steps grabbed her upper arm turning her around pulling her body into his. Lozen came crashing against his chest as she wiggled and tried to pull free of his grasp but he held her tight against his body.
“King let me go.” King wrapped his arm around her back pulling her body close to his he stared down into her eyes, she struggled against his hold.
“Stop fucking ignoring me Lolo! I am standing right in front of you baby! Yell at me. Hit me. Just say something. This silence is killing me.” Kingston pulled her closer into his body. Lozen pushed away from him before she tried to knee him in the balls, she was fighting him just as he wanted, he wanted something from her any show of a fight, or yelling. She managed to slip from his grip she fell backward into the sand before she turned scrambling to get to her feet.
King dropped to his knees lunging for her he caught her ankle he grabbed it and pulling her towards him, twisting her body and started to kick with the other leg she turned on her back, he moved up her body quickly grabbing her arms pinning them into the sand straddling her waist. Kingston stared straight down into her eyes she didn’t scream, she wiggled against his body and hold on her but she just glared dagger up at him.
“Lozen, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I had to leave you to save you. I’m sorry.” Kingston leaned forward resting his forehead on her’s he could feel her body so damn tense her whole body shook she was pissed off and he understood it more than most would. She was scared, her chest rose and fell as she breathed harder he could see it in her eyes, she had hardened over the years, she had grown up she was a mother, and now she was childless.
“I’m sorry Lolo. I should have been there to protect you both.” Kingston spoke in a low voice, he knew she heard him she fought against him. Kingston let her go rolling on to his side watching her scrambled to her feet and ran for the stairs she didn’t say a thing she turned back and looked him straight in the eyes.
“I will never forgive you!” she turned and ran up the stairs as quickly as her legs would allow her.
King watched as she ran away everything he ever wanted was with the tiny female and he would spend the rest of his life proving it to her, he just had to find a way to show her. He was deathly scared of her yet she thrilled him and he would give anything to see her smile again.
Kingston slowly got to his feet he shook his clothes out before he slowly started for the stairs. He was about to start up the stairs when his cell phone rang he dug out his phone “This better be good.”
“We found him Kingston. We are in Peru he was a sneaky bugger but we have him.” Kingston's second in command spoke and Kingston couldn’t believe the timing.
“I will be there as soon as I can.” King hit end on the phone before he headed up the stairs.