Skip to main content

To Him

Summary

An open letter to those I have loved and continue to do so to this day.

To Him

Dear Adrian, 

That's not your name, but I don't think I'm brave enough to say it. I plan for you to never find this. I pray you don't. 

And yet. Some part of me hopes you do. But what good could come from that? 

We've been friends for so long that I'm scared to ruin it. I've tried to confess. But I just ended up taking it back. I've always been like this. Maybe that's part of the reason you've never been interested in me. 

I wouldn't blame you.

It all started when you still liked her, my best friend. If I'm going to be completely honest, I hated you back then. You annoyed her, and I felt like I had to dislike you as well. But that was the first time I had noticed you. 

I mean we've known each other for years, but it was the first time I had really paid attention to you. Then she came up with a ridiculous plan. 

Somehow it made perfect sense to her to have you date me. She knows just how single I am and I suppose she thought it would fix both of our problems. She meant well. I think.

And well she first proposed it, I began to watch you in a different light. Eventually, you were no longer this annoying thorn in our side, but you were someone I considered dating. 

That's essentially how it started. Sorry, by the way, for kind of hating you.

But that's how everything spiraled into this. 

And now I'm here. Stuck with this huge crush.

I can't really help it though. I like so much about you. Like how you notice the little things. I remember one time I was rubbing my back. You were the only one who noticed. Or at least the only one who cared enough to ask if I was ok. 

I like how your silly side. How you like to blast music in the car. How you aren't ashamed of the fact you like Taylor Swift. 

I like how honest you are, with others and yourself. 

You are kind to everyone. You listen to me when I'm upset and don't act weird when I start crying. Even when you're upset with someone, you don't say anything mean or rude about them. And I have seen you when you're seriously ticked.

This doesn't even begin to cover all of the reasons I like you.

I'm not even sure I can list them all.

But one thing is for certain, I always feel so warm when I'm with you. I feel safe. Happy.

You make me happy. And I'm not sure I do the same for you. 

But,

I hope I do. 

So I pray that someday we'll be able to share the same feelings. I hope that somehow this will work out.

Because, I think I might be in love with you.

And I pray you will feel the same.

Love (maybe), 

Syd